Bomb Splits, Earth Will Follow?
I finally made it home from work last Friday after a long walk in a surprise rain. Precipitation is a welcome sight during drought time, but I was wet, pissed and had every intention of letting the water run while I brushed my teeth and used my toilet as an ashtray. I was clutching a new LP in a wet plastic bag from Butch Wax Records (the most ridiculously expensive record store on earth), groaning over the impulsive purchase that could have been a pair of shoes or four call drinks at a bar.
As I walked in, my phone machine awaited me like a dog wanting to be relieved of a steady stream of beeps and chatter. Like a good pet owner, I rewound the tape and heard this: "Hi, Don, this is Michael Dean of Bomb. I was just calling to let you know that I quit Bomb, and I'm staying in DC because California, specifically San Francisco, is falling into the sea in the last two weeks of May. Thank you. Bye, bye.' ' Then BEEP, "Hi, Don, it's Michael. I forgot to give you the phone number. It's (and this is a complete coincidence) 202-DEAN B OK. Call me! I'll tell you everything. I'll spill all the dirt, man, exclusive. I swear. God, you're all gonna die, man, and I'm gonna be here. Give me a call. Bye. "
How could I resist? On Sunday, only moments after thanking my mom, long distance, for being the nicest, smartest, and prettiest mother in the world, then urging her to forget all the chores at the ranch and hit the local beauty college for a new do, I phoned DC.
"Michael Dean, vocalist, bassist ,boy-demon, sex god and the Antichrist, volunteered lots of information. Dean 'is living with three women who claim to be witches. Residing in what at he describes as DC's equivalent to Hunters Point these enchantresses have put a hex on Michael and are selling him to their, cute dude dealer friend in return for cocaine. When asked specifics regarding this system of boner bartering, Michael said, "You know, boy stuff. I'm kind of shy to be talking about this."' You could almost hear him blush.
So what happened to Bomb? According to Michael, their tour went very well until New York. Bomb played dates in Albuquerque, Dallas, Austin,' Muskogee (I'm proud to be an Okie from), Little Rock (where the local paper mixed up their photo with that of Foghat's, leaving Bomb's photo with a caption promising the hit song "Slow Ride" and a group of old long-hairs captioned as Bomb), Knoxville, Richmond, Philadelphia and finally CBGB's in New York.
After that last show, Michael announced his. plans. to leave the band upon tour's" end. 'His reasons were vague, and he needed time to think about why he was quitting. Jay then decided that Bomb would 'play their next DC gig, leave Michael there and cancel the rest of their dates. The situation sounds fractious, but Michael contended that everyone is still on good terms. Tony the drummer will soon return to DC to work with Michael, and towards the end of our conversation, Michael said that Bomb could very well get together again.
The final show of their toll, r took place in an Ethiopian restaurant and was described by Michael as a real Bomb show, "People were ripping their clothes off in the audience, and' two well-oiled, naked boys rubbed themselves on me while I played. Someone pulled a fire alarm, and the police came and evacuated everyone, then let us all back in, ju st like the fie drills in high school. " Yep, that's a real Bomb show, and something I'm not ready to give up. Feel free to call Michael and beg for Bomb's sake.
We could all pray for reconciliation, but according to Mikey, we should be praying forour lives if we stay in California this month. Post-quake salvation. may come in the form of Bomb's new LP, Hits of Acid, out in a month on the Boner label . This small Berkeley record company according to Michael, is relocating to Texas, another effort to avoid the impending beach boy Armageddon in California.
Michael plans to reside with his three witches, all of whom were once charged with witchcraft and possession of an illicit substance while living on a farm in Maryland. The police found their hillside hovel littered with cat heads and bones, while the three demonic debs sported catskin coats and various bone, claw and teeth accessories.
Currently, Michael finds himself often involved in many a strange ritual with the trio. On May 10, they are throwing (or threw) a going-away party for California. I was invited to join them to avoid certain death, but I'm sticking around. Yeah, sure, I might die, but I've got a flashlight, bottled water. and a transistor. I'll stand in the doorway, hope for the best, survive, loot like nobody's business, and hope my loved ones will meet me at 24th and Diamond near the bubblelike jungle gym in the park. If able-bodied, be ready to shop.
